Have you ever struggled with a problem and wondered whether counselling might help?
If so, you probably came up with a dozen reasons why not – people will think I’m crazy; there are others worse off than me; talking won’t change anything. These ‘reasons’ stem from a natural nervousness about trying something new. The following criteria will give an idea of whether counselling is actually suitable for you:
1. Something is keeping you awake at night
You’re not getting on with your boss; can’t decide whether to take that new job; facing the fact that you’re unhappy in your marriage; can’t get over the death of your grandmother; nervous about an upcoming interview; feel somehow different from other people. Any of these or a multitude of other things might cause you distress.
Counselling is not just for drug addicts or others whose lives are clearly off the rails. No problem is too big, too small or too unique that counselling can’t help. If it keeps you awake at night, it’s worth getting help with.
2. Your friends and family have lives of their own
You’ve been keeping the problem to yourself because you don’t want to bother anyone. Your sister is busy with her job and kids, and your two best friends have their own problems. You really need a whole session devoted to what’s going on for you; you can’t risk being interrupted or having the conversation veer off onto Uncle Jim’s bad back.
3. Your friends and family have opinions on the matter
You’ve tried talking to friends, but it didn’t help for long. They told you not to worry, said they’d never liked your partner from the start, offered to go round and give your boss a piece of their mind. Whilst supportive, none of these responses helped you deal with the situation; they just gave you another person’s reactions to cope with.
4. You keep going round in circles
You’ve tried dealing with it on your own, but keep coming back to the same hopeless conclusions. This is where it really helps to get an outsider’s perspective, someone who can question some of your thought processes and assumptions. A trained counsellor can offer new ways of approaching the problem, leading to ways forward that you hadn’t considered before.
5. You’re not afraid to work on it
If you enjoy complaining and wallowing in self pity, then counselling is not for you. A counsellor will challenge the idea that you’re stuck with the way things are and will help you towards resolution. This is not always easy. It might involve rocking the boat or facing a truth that you’d been avoiding. Making changes takes courage, and sometimes time and practice.
6. You’re willing to trust a qualified stranger
It takes courage to open up to someone you don’t know. Before you do, check the counsellor’s qualifications and don’t be afraid to ask questions about how they work. A chat on the phone before making the appointment can be a chance to find out about the counsellor’s philosophy and methods and get a feel for whether you can relate to them.
If these 6 criteria apply to you, counselling is a good option. Rather than continue struggling on your own, start the search now for a counsellor near you. Be prepared for nervousness to kick in again once you’ve made the appointment, but be assured you’ll feel better once you’ve met the counsellor and begun the process.
Stephanie Hills, MNZAC, is a narrative counsellor based in Hamilton, New Zealand. You can contact her at steph@shcounselling.co.nz or visit her website www.shcounselling.co.nz.
