The ending of any relationship is a long and lonely road for most. Unless of course you are ending one relationship and moving straight into another (that’s a whole other blog post!).
Whether you chose to end the relationship or not, it’s still a hard issue to face head on. And often the loneliness drives some back into the arms of the person we were so determined to leave behind.
It’s a common problem I find with a lot of clients I work with, lonely and sad at the thought of being on their own. If you are co-parenting then extreme loneliness when the children are with their other parent. You find yourself paralysed with loneliness so much so that you do nothing at all with that spare time you do have. That time you should be making the most of and getting yourself out and be busy doing things. OR sometimes even using that time to get comfortable in your own skin. Hanging out with yourself for a change and getting to know who you really are. We can often morph into someone else when we are 1 half of a couple. So take this time I say to figure out who you are again and what YOU really need, want and love again. LOVE YOU! Learn to understand yourself and learn to be proud of who YOU are and what you have accomplished for yourself. If you can’t learn to love who you are first, how can you expect someone new to come along and love you?
I say to clients use this time wisely, reflect and recognise things you never have before about yourself. Journal, find a support group, talk with a support person/friend. Don’t internalise it all and don’t self-doubt or criticize yourself. Read books and grow as a person, so you can be an even better version of yourself! And in turn, you will be a better parent and better partner when you are ready for a new relationship and you won’t make those same mistakes next time round!
I understand it can be hard when you are not used to being on your own, so think about times that you are so busy with the children or work and so overwhelmed with how busy life is, in those moments what is it you most wish for? Peace and quiet right!? Oh how we forgot that when we finally get that peace, we are used to the chaotic life of single parenting or crazy work life we forget how to unwind and enjoy the less chaotic times. So learn to meditate or join a yoga class, go running or walking outdoors, work on lowering those stress levels so that you are not running on adrenaline 24/7. Its takes time to calm your adrenals especially if they have been running on overdrive for months or years. So be patient with yourself and learn to listen to your body and give it what it needs.
If you don’t work on this stuff you will just burn yourself out, make bad choices and not be the person you really want to be. So take those lonely weekends or late nights and cherish them and use them wisely, so you come out flourishing and be someone you thought you could never aspire to be, until now! You can be that person, just give yourself time and be patient. You have to work through the feelings, accept them and allow them to happen. You WILL come out the other end and you will come out feeling prouder and wiser and happier! Trust me! YOU WILL!
If you need help focusing on such issues, as your support coach I can spend time with you helping you to discover who you are again and what it is you need to be the best you can possibly be once again. Coaching will help you forward focus and help you set goals and make your dreams and wishes come true for you! Why wouldn’t you want to take this time and create an even better version of yourself! Allow me to help you get there!